Here at Cataylst Jewelry we love to celebrate relationships at all stages. From the beginnings of friendship, to the awkward shifting to a relationship, through going steady, and eventually engagement leading towards marriage. But if we con ourselves into thinking that marriage is the destination in all of this, then we are deceived and fail to realize the truth, reality and purpose of what all this is really for. That marriage is just the beginning of two stories where characters from two very different books come together and write the rest of their story together as they share then pen.
1) Go to bed at the same time.
“Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.”
I’ll even add that waking up at the same time or even before the other is beneficial. Waking up next to your beloved and saying, ‘good morning’ to him/her is one of the best ways to start your day. Another really awesome thing to do could be to wake up a few extra minutes early (I know, earlier?! What a sacrifice!) and make your sweetie their favorite cup of coffee and perhaps prepare their favorite breakfast for them with tender loving care. Love is in the details.
2) Cultivate common interests
“After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.”
Speaking from a male perspective, shared activities is the main way that most males develop and cultivate community with other guys and that is not limited to bonding with females as well. The person you say your vows to will be the one you spend the rest of your life with, through all the exciting and dull times. Trying new things creates novel experiences. You don’t have to like everything you try. If you both realize that you really hate archery and are both really REALLY bad at it, you can laugh and tease each other about how bad that experience was and then commiserate over food that you both love.
3) Walk hand in hand or side by side
“Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.”
There is nothing less romantic than to walk somewhere, anywhere with your significant other trailing behind. Chances are, if you’re trailing behind or they are trailing behind you, you are not maintaining a conversation and your pacing is probably very different. Your’re also probably not feeling especially connected to this person and are instead more focused on how fast you get to a destination than getting there together.
4) Make trust and forgiveness your default mode
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distracting and begrudging.
I’ve seen couples brooding in unforgiveness and it is not a pretty sight. It wrecks havoc on their home life as well as their relationships. Bitterness will erode at the quality of a marriage and eventually little temper flare ups may arise from actions and comments that are otherwise neutral, but will set the other person off for seemingly no rational reason. Bitterness is toxic and breeds contempt.
5) Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
Much like #4, if you want to erode your marriage, then constantly remind your partner about what they don’t do right and the mistakes that they’ve made. If you really want to break down the trust and open lines of communication you need to cultivate in #4, then bring up mistakes and things that they’ve done wrong in the past that are irrelevant to the present discussion. If you want to create some real division, then never admit fault or to being wrong. Always insist that you’re unequivocally right all the time.
6) Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
You spend most of your day away from your spouse in a work environment for hours at a time. When you think about it, you spend more waking hours apart from your loved one than you do together. Reuniting after being at work for hours at a time is an event. Treat it as such. If you even find yourself at work, if only for a fleeting moment your thoughts dwell on your beloved, then you should reunite with your lover in a celebratory way. But don’t confuse that with grandiose. You don’t need to set off fireworks in your front yard to announce that you’ve arrived home from work.
7) Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines, and other annoyances.
It’s a great kick-starter to your day and who doesn’t like their presence being recognized, acknowledged, appreciated, and celebrated? I’ll dare say that this is an empowering statement and encouragement as you part ways for the majority of your day that you are hoping and believing for your partner to be successful and safe in their day.
8) Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
There is nothing more disarming than a well placed, “I love you”. In the heat of battle/discussion/debate, you have to respond affirmatively to that statement or you have a bigger problem on your hands than the prior argument. Much like the prior point, wishing your partner well at the end of a day acknowledges that you appreciate and celebrate their presence in your life. It brings closure to the end of your day apart and together in this wild adventure of life that you two journey through.
9) Do a “weather check” during the day
Call you partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
If your job is particularly boring or stressful, getting a message mid-day might just be the thing to brighten up your day and keep you at the top of your game just knowing that someone cares enough to send you a kind, caring, and thoughtful message mid-day just to wish you well or to encourage you through a rough day as opposed to a reminder for another item on the ‘To do’ list. We have enough people at work telling us what to do all day everyday.
10) Be proud to be seen with your partner
“Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact – hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off, but rather just saying that hey belong with each other.”
Proximity and nearness communicates not just to others, but to your lover that you are more than just married, but that the two of you are a team, a powerhouse, a force to be reckoned with, a dynamic duo. The two of you will stand with each other and no force of hell will tear the two of you apart.
It is also important to keep in mind that males tend to receive less compliments and verbal affirmations than females do. So drop some love bombs on him sporadically, he’ll appreciate it.
I found this recently and that is what inspired me to write this piece. Read the original article here and I added my own commentary above in italics in addition to what psychiatrist Dr. Mark Goulston had to say.
It only takes one.
Will you be a Catalyst today?
Shop now!
Catalyst Jewelry 